If I could reach across the Gulf of Mexico, I would give you a huge hug and tell you how proud I am of you. You and I have been through similar journeys and clearly both were a massive bitch. That you came out the other side in such glorious fashion is a testament to YOU.
Art, music and literature are all like breathing to me as well. The only things I have in common Cinderella is that I found my metaphorical prince and I sing to animals. So far, only my tree frogs sing back. I teach painting to the neighbors and walk my forest every day.It is a life that makes me happy.
You are brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with everything. It was like a four octave, thirteen note major chord with an anchoring drone ringing out to life — phenomenal.
Holy shit. "A four octave, thirteen note major chord with an anchoring drone ringing out to life" -- you just described a type of power so perfectly holy shit, and it is understood. Speaks a LOT to where you've risen to on your journey just with that sentence alone, also, thank you. I am so grateful this post found you and it resonated the way it did. And yes, I have been an absolute fucking lunatic in this life, and also been the opposite. I hear that you relate to this very much and I salute you from my heart, truly. Funny you mentioned Cinderella. I used to joke that I had been Cinderella'd or had Cinderella'd myself from one state of conditions to the other. That is beautiful that you are walking in the forest, found your metaphorical Prince and sing to the animals and teach ART! That is so beautiful. I would love to hear more of your story. Thank you so much for sharing what you did here.
I hope I don’t start to bore you because you already know that I am a huge fan of your writing but that text is fucking epic. It is damn hard to write so clear and to the point but still with so much life and energy. Let alone the fight you have been putting up in your life to be able to write it in the first place. Your writing is a true inspiration for me, thank you very much. 🙏
This legit brings tears to my eyes. THANK YOU. You are never a bore, ever. Holy shit. I am so grateful that 1. you gain value from this writing, and 2. for your feedback, because I started writing this Thursday night, and I felt like it was “too much” or “unclear” — and this morning I just felt nauseated even trying to condense or edit it, so i just said fuck it and published it. THANK YOU. I am so grateful it made sense and provided value to you.
Fantastic read!!! Love everything you have to say here about freeing oneself from the traps of (as you so aptly coined it- “inner matrix algorithm”), signs, energy, nature, self-care, addiction, grief, creativity, ego, purpose, inner-selves, trees, all of it!!! Thank you for sharing your experience, knowledge & personal story!! I Love stumbling upon something that feels, in itself, like a sign for me.☺️
I am so grateful it resonated with you to that degree!! Thank you so much for reading and for sharing what you did here. And yes -- love that about Substack, we tend to find what we're looking for here and I love it! 🙏 ❤️
Your demons fight the hardest when you finally choose to close the door.
Man do I ever feel this , just coming out of a relapse after 14 months of all of that sober . What a breakthrough and shift. Why it took going back to go forward I will never know and have finally stopped questioning it. Ive isolated myself and shut every door other than my relationship that I've tried to. I disconnected from recovery and anything to do with it other than trying to do it differently than I had in the past. To many times around and to many losses and destruction.
Thank you for sharing and helping me see others going through the same processes, isolation made me feel as if all that work was being done for nothing and nobody really believes in it anyways. Trauma is real and working through that is what finally turned the tables.
Life came at me hard and the shadows got intense , stumbling over myself more than walking.
That was refreshing to hear the news from the other side and that there are lots of you out there to connect to and start living life again. 🌅🌱📯
oh my god. thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. holy shit. first off, i am so glad to hear that you survived the relapse. i lost count of all the ones I’ve loved and known who have not. it’s becoming more and more rare for people to live through that. i am so grateful you lived. first i want to acknowledge that. second off, YES, isolation is lethal as fuck, and the trauma component to recovery is very real. I’ve had to find people within recovery who also do the work on trauma and get it, because not everyone does. There are other programs that do address it, depending on where most of your trauma comes from, and i’ve had to seek outside help for it as well with therapists who specialize in treating PTSD, talk therapy doesn’t do shit for me. so for people like us, it’s way more than just the alcohol and drugs, but if the trauma and core issue shit doesn’t get addressed, it either leads to relapse, death, suicide, or just living in a pit of misery that one cannot describe with words. I’ve been there in sobriety before, and holy shit i will do anything and everything to make sure i never go back there again. So i feel you on that and i am glad you are back. I don’t know where you live, but yes please do know this, there are SO MANY OF US OUT HERE! so many of us that are willing to show up and do ALL the work, not just the surface level shit. so many of us who are here to thrive, not just survive. It took me a long time to start coming out of that shit, and i’m just now turning the corner, but it is absolutely possible. please reach out any time if you need. i am so grateful you are back and did not die.
Reaching out isn't my strong suit but I do have some great people that have helped pull me along and through the darkness. Ever grateful for them and in the end it ended up being me that was difficult 🤔
I did alot of the same work and found like you did not everyone is willing to travel the se roads and I can't say I blame them. They are difficult and take a certain level of kicking the shit out of yourself until you realize your the one kicking. I'm just starting to pop my head out and trust the world around me again and I too am ever full of gratitude for the life God granted me. I should be gone. I strive for purpose over happiness and success, a life worth living and connecting with others that are journing through the puddles .
Have a beautiful day in Florida and I'll do the same in Canada.
We make our days when we choose to live in the gratitude the rightfully deserve .
🙏 that book I was referencing, it was the book of John, immediately when you suggested it I went into my apartment and started reading it. Thank you, friend.
I am SO grateful for that. I almost felt insane posting it because I felt like I was saying so much. So grateful somehow that made sense and created resonance and connection. Thank you for saying this.
You've been amazingly transparent here, and reading about the prison that you have shed is a splendid victory for all of us. The nice thing is that all of us can have that kind of victory in each of our lives. May your next decade be no less powerful, joyous and creative as some key features of the past were troubled and oppressive.
YES to all of this again. The Reaper (Death) has taught me more about a life well lived, and LOVE, than anything else, to be honest. Truly, it is the ultimate discerner and bull-shit remover. Much love to you friend.
If I could reach across the Gulf of Mexico, I would give you a huge hug and tell you how proud I am of you. You and I have been through similar journeys and clearly both were a massive bitch. That you came out the other side in such glorious fashion is a testament to YOU.
Art, music and literature are all like breathing to me as well. The only things I have in common Cinderella is that I found my metaphorical prince and I sing to animals. So far, only my tree frogs sing back. I teach painting to the neighbors and walk my forest every day.It is a life that makes me happy.
You are brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with everything. It was like a four octave, thirteen note major chord with an anchoring drone ringing out to life — phenomenal.
Holy shit. "A four octave, thirteen note major chord with an anchoring drone ringing out to life" -- you just described a type of power so perfectly holy shit, and it is understood. Speaks a LOT to where you've risen to on your journey just with that sentence alone, also, thank you. I am so grateful this post found you and it resonated the way it did. And yes, I have been an absolute fucking lunatic in this life, and also been the opposite. I hear that you relate to this very much and I salute you from my heart, truly. Funny you mentioned Cinderella. I used to joke that I had been Cinderella'd or had Cinderella'd myself from one state of conditions to the other. That is beautiful that you are walking in the forest, found your metaphorical Prince and sing to the animals and teach ART! That is so beautiful. I would love to hear more of your story. Thank you so much for sharing what you did here.
I hope I don’t start to bore you because you already know that I am a huge fan of your writing but that text is fucking epic. It is damn hard to write so clear and to the point but still with so much life and energy. Let alone the fight you have been putting up in your life to be able to write it in the first place. Your writing is a true inspiration for me, thank you very much. 🙏
This legit brings tears to my eyes. THANK YOU. You are never a bore, ever. Holy shit. I am so grateful that 1. you gain value from this writing, and 2. for your feedback, because I started writing this Thursday night, and I felt like it was “too much” or “unclear” — and this morning I just felt nauseated even trying to condense or edit it, so i just said fuck it and published it. THANK YOU. I am so grateful it made sense and provided value to you.
Fantastic read!!! Love everything you have to say here about freeing oneself from the traps of (as you so aptly coined it- “inner matrix algorithm”), signs, energy, nature, self-care, addiction, grief, creativity, ego, purpose, inner-selves, trees, all of it!!! Thank you for sharing your experience, knowledge & personal story!! I Love stumbling upon something that feels, in itself, like a sign for me.☺️
I am so grateful it resonated with you to that degree!! Thank you so much for reading and for sharing what you did here. And yes -- love that about Substack, we tend to find what we're looking for here and I love it! 🙏 ❤️
So much of this speaks to me.
Your writing is incredible.
Thank you 🙏🏽
thank you so much for your kind words. i am really grateful this post found and resonated with you. thank you 🙏
Your demons fight the hardest when you finally choose to close the door.
Man do I ever feel this , just coming out of a relapse after 14 months of all of that sober . What a breakthrough and shift. Why it took going back to go forward I will never know and have finally stopped questioning it. Ive isolated myself and shut every door other than my relationship that I've tried to. I disconnected from recovery and anything to do with it other than trying to do it differently than I had in the past. To many times around and to many losses and destruction.
Thank you for sharing and helping me see others going through the same processes, isolation made me feel as if all that work was being done for nothing and nobody really believes in it anyways. Trauma is real and working through that is what finally turned the tables.
Life came at me hard and the shadows got intense , stumbling over myself more than walking.
That was refreshing to hear the news from the other side and that there are lots of you out there to connect to and start living life again. 🌅🌱📯
oh my god. thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. holy shit. first off, i am so glad to hear that you survived the relapse. i lost count of all the ones I’ve loved and known who have not. it’s becoming more and more rare for people to live through that. i am so grateful you lived. first i want to acknowledge that. second off, YES, isolation is lethal as fuck, and the trauma component to recovery is very real. I’ve had to find people within recovery who also do the work on trauma and get it, because not everyone does. There are other programs that do address it, depending on where most of your trauma comes from, and i’ve had to seek outside help for it as well with therapists who specialize in treating PTSD, talk therapy doesn’t do shit for me. so for people like us, it’s way more than just the alcohol and drugs, but if the trauma and core issue shit doesn’t get addressed, it either leads to relapse, death, suicide, or just living in a pit of misery that one cannot describe with words. I’ve been there in sobriety before, and holy shit i will do anything and everything to make sure i never go back there again. So i feel you on that and i am glad you are back. I don’t know where you live, but yes please do know this, there are SO MANY OF US OUT HERE! so many of us that are willing to show up and do ALL the work, not just the surface level shit. so many of us who are here to thrive, not just survive. It took me a long time to start coming out of that shit, and i’m just now turning the corner, but it is absolutely possible. please reach out any time if you need. i am so grateful you are back and did not die.
Thank you 🙏
Reaching out isn't my strong suit but I do have some great people that have helped pull me along and through the darkness. Ever grateful for them and in the end it ended up being me that was difficult 🤔
I did alot of the same work and found like you did not everyone is willing to travel the se roads and I can't say I blame them. They are difficult and take a certain level of kicking the shit out of yourself until you realize your the one kicking. I'm just starting to pop my head out and trust the world around me again and I too am ever full of gratitude for the life God granted me. I should be gone. I strive for purpose over happiness and success, a life worth living and connecting with others that are journing through the puddles .
Have a beautiful day in Florida and I'll do the same in Canada.
We make our days when we choose to live in the gratitude the rightfully deserve .
Much love and respect 🙏❤️
Much love and respect to you too friend. Thank you for your message and your story. It helps. 🙏
Glad you made it back! Encouraging to hear your story, thanks for sharing.
Thank you very much for reading 🙏
Living true enhances all. Deeply grateful you are living true. ❤️🙏
Deeply grateful for you and your wisdom, my friend.
Awesome!
🙏 that book I was referencing, it was the book of John, immediately when you suggested it I went into my apartment and started reading it. Thank you, friend.
Awesome. My pleasure my friend!
I resonate so much with what you share here.💜
I am SO grateful for that. I almost felt insane posting it because I felt like I was saying so much. So grateful somehow that made sense and created resonance and connection. Thank you for saying this.
You've been amazingly transparent here, and reading about the prison that you have shed is a splendid victory for all of us. The nice thing is that all of us can have that kind of victory in each of our lives. May your next decade be no less powerful, joyous and creative as some key features of the past were troubled and oppressive.
LOVE LOVE LOVE. ❤️❤️❤️
Your story, your passion and resilience, and your huge powerfully beating heart, my beautiful sister.
And I also love the pics of you and Reina. How amazing is it to be sharing physical space and hugs?!
Let's gooooooooo! Count me in.
OMG. I legit just got this email from Academy of Ideas and was about to click on it, checked this first, and its the video. Thank you!
YES to all of this again. The Reaper (Death) has taught me more about a life well lived, and LOVE, than anything else, to be honest. Truly, it is the ultimate discerner and bull-shit remover. Much love to you friend.