She sat across from me with tears in her eyes, and a half smile on her face. She said, “Maybe.”
I waited.
Silence.
I asked, “Maybe what?”
She said…
“Maybe this is the end.”
“You don’t see yourself the way the world does. Maybe this never has to happen again. Maybe this is the end, the end of all the abuse. Maybe this is the end of all this for you.”
Maybe, you don’t have to be abused anymore
Maybe, you don’t have to be so confused on who you are
Maybe, you wont let monsters lay beside your bed
Maybe, you’ll take a stand
And you will never again
Let them rip you to pieces, and pawn the shreds
Maybe this is where the cycle ends
Maybe, this is resurrection
“State your worth, and so it shall be.”
I walked underneath the sky, and though Venus is currently hidden from the northern hemisphere at night, I began to pray in poetry, and for the first time, stated my worth.
A commitment to every cell in my being, a commitment to the universe, a commitment to the Spirit of Goddess,
that I am not fucking around.
State your worth, and so it shall be. A yogic teaching passed onto me. If you try it, you may notice your body respond. It is always listening.
“Maybe” was said to me by a woman I haven’t known long, after sharing the full truth of what I had been through…things I have not been able to tell anyone, until now.
(No, this was not random trauma dumping on a stranger. This took place between two people in recovery going through a process of reading an inventory. One person does the excavating, the other bares witness. Part of the process, and very effective.)
This is a powerful thing, when those who are bonded by near death experiences, and coming to know that which we call “God”… the Great Force which I do not like to confine with language.. but you know what I mean.
It’s a powerful thing when those who fought the same war are united. We don’t have to know each other for that long. There is something else at play.
Every relationship is a house of mirrors. We are always learning and teaching one another. Sometimes, when we lose sight of ourselves and become disassociated from our being… other people who can truly SEE, will remind.
When we reveal what we’re truly fighting, we can truly be seen.
When we are bound and blind from our own traumas, they see the truth piercing through…because they know those traumas too.
This is why going through a lot of shit in one’s life makes one very valuable — it makes you uniquely qualified to be of service to someone else who has survived the same war.
This woman was uniquely qualified to open my eyes, and help save my life. This woman was uniquely qualified to help me break a dark cycle, because she too had been there, done that, and gotten free.
Connection is KEY. And in our connection, she helped restore connection within me.
We are all capable of healing. Especially if you’ve been to some horrible places.
There is nothing in this life that isn’t medicine, and there is always medicine in the shadows.
Maybe you will never again
pick up the phone when Da’ath calls
maybe when you see, that number 333,
you’ll heed the warning…
because you will be tested again
We all have our resurrections.
Raise Your Weapon.
The weapon is not what we imagine it to be.
It is us. It is we.
It is whatever someone or something tried to take, it is whatever our spirit longs to share but we silence, it is whatever we try to hide… anything that may fit inside this category :
Solar flares. World on fire. We signed up for it. Transformation. Collective planetary alchemy.
We’re all going through something.
There is a turning point for us. At rock bottom. We’ll arrive here many times, I’d imagine.
And then we open our mouths and speak the truth. We get honest and take steps toward healing. Then someone may hear what you’ve kept buried inside and look at you with tears in their eyes, and say,
“Maybe..”
Because maybe.. they are witnessing the FINAL time you ever have to almost die, just to realize you’re worth being alive.
may we be given the open hearts to excavate
may we be willing to withstand the fire of falsehoods
as they burn away
may we be grateful for their ashes
may we be grateful
for what is real remains
Damn. Those powerful words motivated me to speak the words of my worth right into the mirror.
Since you stated the truth and spoke it the word “maybe” shouldn’t be in your vocabulary regarding this anymore. You know what to do and you have the strength because you have overcome so much in your life. I’m not saying it will be easy, it won’t. But the world needs the best version of Tesstamona. In fact it’s required of you as it is all of us. I went through some trauma and heartache in 21-22 which led to my alcoholism so believe me I understand what a ripped heart can do and it made me a dark man. But because of this I rooted out the shadow. You’re right the trauma can bring us strength and resilience. I know this is long but I have to end with this. Tonight I went to a place I don’t really like going to but sometimes I have to. I won’t explain why but just know that I have to. Unfortunately going to this place can trigger me but I’ve used it as a training ground for my shadow work. As I sat in my car I realized that I was calm and peaceful without any work involved whatsoever. Then one of the most important thoughts of my life came into my head. “If you were still in this life, you would not be who you are now and would not be setting course on your mission, you would still be mediocre and would you really be happy?”Healed. It is finished. And then I read these words in your post. As they burn away may we be greatful for their ashes. Your best version is waiting for you Tesstamona to embrace you. Don’t keep her waiting on maybe. ❤️