I saw your post come in when I was busy plus I have my kids this weekend and I just glanced at it and then I was like “Damn why she have to bring up THAT topic?” I know it’s kind of late but honestly I wanted to spend time with them and couldn’t on good conscience go to bed without responding it sounds like someone is in dire need. I wish a platform like this was available when I was heartbroken December of 2020 and my life changed. I can totally relate to how people just want you to get over shit. Worse for men, like we’re supposed to have no feelings? Yeah, that’s realistic. Whoever posed the question or said that, it DOES get better, I promise. This post really dug at me because I just FULLY healed recently(by the way, you can heal without forgiving, it is possible). It was a rough road for me but part of that was my own fault. I self sabotaged, felt nothing for myself or anyone else and was an alcoholic. When I hit the bottom I had pushed people away through my anger and resentment. Don’t make the same mistakes whoever you are. Please reach out to me here via message whoever you are. As I was reading Tesstamona’s post I was thinking why couldn’t I have read this and been in contact with a person going through this same sh*t when I was? All of those memories and emotions came pouring back. But the fact is I was meant to go through it to lift myself by myself back up. That’s definitely not for everyone it’s just my path. Im grateful to God for giving me the strength and I’m at the point where I can pay it forward. Again, whoever please reach out if you want and know YOU ARE VALUABLE and have unique gifts to give the world. Tesstamona thank you for providing this and being so open about your grief, very brave. I know we all agree the loss would have been unquantifiable if you had taken your life(the most precious gift). I love the low budget video, I used to make low budget beats so I’m hip to that sh*t. Love to all.❤️
Thank you so much for writing this. I do hope the person who asked the question or posed the topic sees this, I re-shared your comment. I didn't want to directly tag them in the article unless they gave direct permission but they are a writer on Substack so I hope they connect with you. Thank you for sharing your experience.... especially that you fully healed. People, myself included.. need that reminder. And yes... people have been conditioned to stomp out the human-ness of our experience...which is where we all come in, because we are dissolving that spell every time we speak the truth of our experience, and who we are, and how we feel. Often the people who suffer most seem to have the most to offer.. applies to everyone here including the person who asked this question. Hold on. We are all going to get through this and rebirth (a new life) is guaranteed just as much as death (of our old lives/selves/circumstance). Possibly the only guarantees in this life. 🙏
Reminds me of the old gospel song, “We Shall Not Be Moved”. Nor stomped out of existence. We are here because God needs truth warriors/healers/firebrands who have been beaten, torn down and refined and remade who STILL stand for Jesus and have been tested for battle. “....but the last shall be first.” 🙏🏻
I am going to listen to that song as I have never heard it. Also... "but the last shall be first..." that is so beautiful. I have not read the entire Bible, only parts of it.. but i'm guessing that's where that came from. sends chills down my body. Thank you
Of course brother I’m glad it spoke to you. The flags I had were subtle but they were there. I actually followed her a few times and she actually met with her girlfriends like she said she was going to so I thought it was all in my head. She hid a dudes number under name of her girlfriend so when it would come in I would just see her name on phone. Stuff like that. Didn’t help she was a teacher so summers off while I was working. I’m better off without her and she doesn’t deserve me. To get the rage under control I suggest shadow work and meditation. Congratulations on nine months! That’s huge man! I’ll be one year on January 1. Hey I also posted a second post last night but it’s buried at the bottom here for some reason. Please check it out. Covid, differences on vaccine, our jobs and our two kids all being at home drove her away from me, she couldn’t deal with it even though I had been awake on this stuff for awhile and tried showing her facts from places like Corbett and TLAV but to no avail. I even offered to go to counseling to see what I could do, ME better to try and salvage. She wasn’t having it. I said “Well guess what b*tch, I’m not leaving so you can either stay or get the f*ck out.” She knew I wasn’t messing around so she left. I waited until I knew it was irreconcilable and then I filed. I’m never getting married again not saying I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone(not anytime soon lol) but after the pain and then through filling how much the state was involved with my personal sh*t, never again. Everytime I would see my name in all caps it was a dagger and after Covid nudged this, it was crazy. If you read my second post and then the article/story I reference the words in the song, “When you were hanging your self on someone else’s words, dying to believe in what you heard, I was staring straight into the shining sun,” that references our fundamental differences, Covid and the freedom I had of walking into a new life. Good luck to you and hit me up anytime.
I know it's easier said than done but people who just got out of a hard relationship and trauma really should not get in a new relationship no matter what they are feeling. That's asking for trouble and usually it's two people depending on each other and feeding off each other's shadows. Work on self. Be alone. It pays off in the long run. I was in a relationship after divorce and I ended it 16 months ago. Haven't been in one since, messed around here and there but nothing serious. Stayed away. Although this new boxing instructor in my class on Saturday said something to me (literally the first words spoken) that I'm just like "Oh boy." Doesn't help she's attractive and probably fifteen years younger than me. What's a brother gonna do? Here's the link and I'll check out your post.
We only grieve what or who we love. Which means, IOW, if we ain't grievin' we be hatin'. My own path has been a fair share of both. So glad, when it comes time to choose, you choose love more often my friend. Keep lovin', keep grievin'.
thank you, my friend 🙏 you as well. you are one of the most powerful examples of how grief deepens our capacity for love, connection and service to the world.
Nine Inch Nails is my connection to the anger which I then translate into Jeet Kune Do and Crossfit (I’m a trainer). Three hours of this per day purges the incessant monotone of the normie world.
A song which has been haunting me for two years is Melanie’s, “Look What They’ve Done to my Song, Ma.” Miley Cyrus covered it. Helluva song. I’ve been forcibly red-pilled since I was four years old. IQ of 168 does not help. I hear your pain.
That’s cool you are a JKD and CrossFit trainer. Muay Thai and boxing practitioner myself and yes it definitely helps purge. I know what you mean with NIN. “The Fragile” is a masterpiece. I love Downward Spiral too.
Trent Reznor tapped into his deep melancholy and created masterpieces. I believe that his formative years of growing up in PA gave him a giant push to GET OUT of Nowhere, USA. His lyrics can be a bit raw but the music, it drives the whole “Pretty Hate Machine”. Glad that Bowie helped him overcome his addictions.
I’m sorry to bother you again but just for clarification I had two replies from 12/10. The one I’m referring to starts with “This hit me like a bag of bricks.”
Someone else will probably play your eulogy because let’s face it, husbands usually die first. LOL! NIN has a unique ability of getting you through tough sh*t when you want to break sh*t and then once you are on the other side you see the weird beauty in the darkness you needed to come out into the light. I believe you about Trent, probably cause he knew you understood him. Is that Bowie and Reznor Hurt collab from Riverport Amphitheater in St Louis? In one of my posts, I think it’s Battle with Seth if I remember I mention the Eraser drums before battle. I’m referencing “Eraser” from Downward Spiral. Can I ask you something? Can you see my second reply to this post? It’s from last night and keeps getting pushed down. I just want to make sure whoever needs help can see it. Super important I might need to restack it.
Yes, all true. I’m glad Bowie(huge fan of) helped him too. The song “Hurt” is so beautifully tragic in that he knows he will hurt the person he cares for cause he is broken. I love that song closes out Downward Spiral. Bowie helped a lot of people and was a Sage for some artists. He had a good heart and much wisdom to give. He also helped James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem get through some psychological issues. The song Black Screen is about Bowie recorded after he died.
I told my husband that I wanted “Hurt” to be played at my eulogy. Seeing NIN in concert with Chris Cornell and Soundgarden (opening act) was sheer bliss. I tweeted out my response after the concert and the next morning Trent Reznor (verified personal Acct.) was following me. I just wanted him to know how deep the rage/anger can go and how cathartic it was to embrace that mostly-repressed feeling without shame or guilt. He has touched many a nerve, Trent has. And yes, I took a screenshot of the follow. He has a relatively small personal account. Probably for a very good reason. My apologies for going off-subject but the live version of NIN and Bowie covering “Hurt” is one of the best collabs ever.
omg i had to interject here --- I have the first four measures of the song "Hurt" tattooed on my forearm. A dove is flying away with the sheet music to that song. Dove being a reminder to find peace in music and not go to prison for my anger. "Hurt" was the first song I ever performed publicly. It speaks so flawlessly to where we come from. so much love to everyone here, im SO grateful to see people connecting it's fkng beautiful.
I’ve been listening to “Everybody’s favorite piece of trash” last month on repeat I guess I’m the type that has the “winter blues” as they call it and was deeply depressed. Could still work but lost a good bit of weight due to not eating. Doing better now and starting to eat more and healthier foods.
I hope the song was helpful / validating to what you were going though and didn't add to the heaviness you were feeling at all. I have mad love for you dude. And I'm right there with you, I lost a LOT of weight in the last few months. I'm slowly getting myself to eat and sleep more. Let's do this together 🙏
There is a lot of that going on here. It is a place that went dormant before COVID and has now exploded. Some of my pals say it's the springtime of humanity, after that long winter of lockdowns and fearful life, that is making all the quantum connections pop. Others say this is the roaring 20s, the roar before the end. Ha. Who cares? Be in the now, right now, and see what you can do to help. That's it. Game over. Maybe.
"Everybody's favourite piece of trash" is excellent. I especially like the on screen lyrics and end notes. The cinematography is in the best spirit of the Blair Witch Project and that did pretty well. 🔥🎇
Yo thank you!!! I really appreciate that!!! Had ZERO idea what we were doing, but the song is called everyones favorite piece of trash, so why not make a trash video? It luckily worked lol, but yeah there was no lighting at all besides candles and a random string of xmas lights, and we just shot that in my tiny apartment at the time. It's a grimey video for a grimey song for sure. Thank you so much for the feedback and taking the time to listen.
You're welcome. God bless you. Amen. I subscribed to your YouTube. It's a dark video matching the dark lyrics but it's bright with possibilities too. Kind of like life. Not always what we expected but somehow God provides. Praise God. Amen.
Your poem is inspiring me to dust off an old poem of my own for my other 'stack. So, many thanks to you for manifold blessings.
God bless you too! Wait you have another substack besides the SpacePrive News? I love reading peoples poetry, please let me know when/where you post it!!!
OMFG I dead ass just READ AND RESTACKED THAT ARTICLE!!!! holy shit I had no idea. That was so powerful. Okay cool so regardless of where you post I will receive the notification. But whoa. That was a powerful fkng post. Wait i was quoted in that? I read the entire thing and didnt notice holy shite. That was such a massively on point call to action -- thank you for writing that
This just hit me like a bag of bricks. I don’t know man, I just feel like this was meant to happen. It can’t wait till morning. I was feeling suicidal too I didn’t take steps but I definitely felt my life didn’t matter anymore. Having kids helped but that’s a terrible reason to say ok I’ll stay alive. I’ve never told anyone this except my two boys, not even my Mark Passio Telegram group which I’m close with. The very first post I put on Substack is called “Running and Rebirth.” The character is named James Young. It’s really me it really happened every single bit of it. After the experience I thought oh it was cool and all but probably just runners high. Oh was I mistaken. Five days after the experience I visited my parents who live 4.5 hours south of me. Something happened there 4.5 hours away that no that was not a fluke. I was thinking about starting a blog about the bs going on in the world but didn’t know where to start. Something told me to start with this story but even after the experience at my parents I put it off (the hero’s refusal of departure). A month or so later I went to see Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. That movie is a trip yo. When I got in the car with the kids after the movie something happened. Ok MESSAGE from the Universe received. I started my account and posted it. After I published it and I mean IMMEDIATELY after, I went to go pick up a pizza with my oldest son. He had just read my story and I told him it was real and we shared a moment. When we got in the car something happened that froze us and we looked at each other, mouths dropped. I started to choke up and said to him, “Remember this when you go through tough times, and you will have them I promise, I don’t bullsh*t you. If you have faith and you know you are doing what is right and you act upon it, the universe will surprise you in unexplainable ways.” I know he’ll never forget that. It’s not important now what the three things that happened are I can tell them at a later date. Frankly it would ruin the story you haven’t read yet. I know now that experience was not meant just for me. It was meant for others too. FYI not giving anything away, much much much more past flashed before me but I was only able to write so much. Something is happening to us who are awake where we are not only becoming awake to what’s happening but awake to why we are here. Remembering why. I know it’s hard if you are going through tough times but try and listen. Even if you’re not ears open like Bugs Bunny you might hear a whisper, then a sign. If it really pulls at you in the right way, follow it.
My pleasure man. Tesstamona touched on “friends” acting like you have leprocy I was like “Yes!” Louis CK has a joke about when he went through his shenanigans a few years ago like “You find out who your real friends are. Like nobody wants to know who their real friends are.” 😂 Read my story “Running and Rebirth” Its my first post so scroll all the way to the bottom. I’m really glad I could help. That experience in that story saved my life and help me raise up and put one step in front of another. Sometimes, honestly, its just that simple. Don’t think big picture, just one step. Before you know it you’ll be like (happily) how did I get here? Hang in there!
Your words about a trigger warning really hit me. You said you had been dealing with it since you were 10. That pretty much sealed that argument. I am glad you are safe and sound, honey. I love your work. I say you are a beautiful gem. Someone willing to be vulnerable. You are someone strong. You are talented and beautiful on the inside and out. I am honored to virtually meet you. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I remember hearing that phrase a lot too, "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" -- true and valuable AF indeed. I can't say I don't understand when people do take that path, because I do.. but there's always been that TINY voice inside my head every time I've come to the edge (with the exception of actual attempts in my early youth, but that was a long time ago) that always says something like... "what if this is premature? What if everything you're fighting for and aiming at is literally right around the corner?" So far, that has proven to be true. Everything is always changing. And though connection and community is a legitimate biological need.. I also agree that the ability to be solid and survive in the absence of that entirely is ALSO a biological need/survival skill. All hell breaks loose when someones in that position who does not have the skill nor the willingness to learn to develop it. I am grateful to hear some of your story/background, thank you again for sharing it!
I saw your post come in when I was busy plus I have my kids this weekend and I just glanced at it and then I was like “Damn why she have to bring up THAT topic?” I know it’s kind of late but honestly I wanted to spend time with them and couldn’t on good conscience go to bed without responding it sounds like someone is in dire need. I wish a platform like this was available when I was heartbroken December of 2020 and my life changed. I can totally relate to how people just want you to get over shit. Worse for men, like we’re supposed to have no feelings? Yeah, that’s realistic. Whoever posed the question or said that, it DOES get better, I promise. This post really dug at me because I just FULLY healed recently(by the way, you can heal without forgiving, it is possible). It was a rough road for me but part of that was my own fault. I self sabotaged, felt nothing for myself or anyone else and was an alcoholic. When I hit the bottom I had pushed people away through my anger and resentment. Don’t make the same mistakes whoever you are. Please reach out to me here via message whoever you are. As I was reading Tesstamona’s post I was thinking why couldn’t I have read this and been in contact with a person going through this same sh*t when I was? All of those memories and emotions came pouring back. But the fact is I was meant to go through it to lift myself by myself back up. That’s definitely not for everyone it’s just my path. Im grateful to God for giving me the strength and I’m at the point where I can pay it forward. Again, whoever please reach out if you want and know YOU ARE VALUABLE and have unique gifts to give the world. Tesstamona thank you for providing this and being so open about your grief, very brave. I know we all agree the loss would have been unquantifiable if you had taken your life(the most precious gift). I love the low budget video, I used to make low budget beats so I’m hip to that sh*t. Love to all.❤️
Thank you so much for writing this. I do hope the person who asked the question or posed the topic sees this, I re-shared your comment. I didn't want to directly tag them in the article unless they gave direct permission but they are a writer on Substack so I hope they connect with you. Thank you for sharing your experience.... especially that you fully healed. People, myself included.. need that reminder. And yes... people have been conditioned to stomp out the human-ness of our experience...which is where we all come in, because we are dissolving that spell every time we speak the truth of our experience, and who we are, and how we feel. Often the people who suffer most seem to have the most to offer.. applies to everyone here including the person who asked this question. Hold on. We are all going to get through this and rebirth (a new life) is guaranteed just as much as death (of our old lives/selves/circumstance). Possibly the only guarantees in this life. 🙏
Reminds me of the old gospel song, “We Shall Not Be Moved”. Nor stomped out of existence. We are here because God needs truth warriors/healers/firebrands who have been beaten, torn down and refined and remade who STILL stand for Jesus and have been tested for battle. “....but the last shall be first.” 🙏🏻
I am going to listen to that song as I have never heard it. Also... "but the last shall be first..." that is so beautiful. I have not read the entire Bible, only parts of it.. but i'm guessing that's where that came from. sends chills down my body. Thank you
Certo! Piacere, Bella Donna Tesstamona! 🙏🏻.
https://balladofamerica.org/we-shall-not-be-moved/
Of course brother I’m glad it spoke to you. The flags I had were subtle but they were there. I actually followed her a few times and she actually met with her girlfriends like she said she was going to so I thought it was all in my head. She hid a dudes number under name of her girlfriend so when it would come in I would just see her name on phone. Stuff like that. Didn’t help she was a teacher so summers off while I was working. I’m better off without her and she doesn’t deserve me. To get the rage under control I suggest shadow work and meditation. Congratulations on nine months! That’s huge man! I’ll be one year on January 1. Hey I also posted a second post last night but it’s buried at the bottom here for some reason. Please check it out. Covid, differences on vaccine, our jobs and our two kids all being at home drove her away from me, she couldn’t deal with it even though I had been awake on this stuff for awhile and tried showing her facts from places like Corbett and TLAV but to no avail. I even offered to go to counseling to see what I could do, ME better to try and salvage. She wasn’t having it. I said “Well guess what b*tch, I’m not leaving so you can either stay or get the f*ck out.” She knew I wasn’t messing around so she left. I waited until I knew it was irreconcilable and then I filed. I’m never getting married again not saying I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone(not anytime soon lol) but after the pain and then through filling how much the state was involved with my personal sh*t, never again. Everytime I would see my name in all caps it was a dagger and after Covid nudged this, it was crazy. If you read my second post and then the article/story I reference the words in the song, “When you were hanging your self on someone else’s words, dying to believe in what you heard, I was staring straight into the shining sun,” that references our fundamental differences, Covid and the freedom I had of walking into a new life. Good luck to you and hit me up anytime.
I know it's easier said than done but people who just got out of a hard relationship and trauma really should not get in a new relationship no matter what they are feeling. That's asking for trouble and usually it's two people depending on each other and feeding off each other's shadows. Work on self. Be alone. It pays off in the long run. I was in a relationship after divorce and I ended it 16 months ago. Haven't been in one since, messed around here and there but nothing serious. Stayed away. Although this new boxing instructor in my class on Saturday said something to me (literally the first words spoken) that I'm just like "Oh boy." Doesn't help she's attractive and probably fifteen years younger than me. What's a brother gonna do? Here's the link and I'll check out your post.
https://open.substack.com/pub/mementomorialchemy/p/extracting-medicine-from-a-skeleton?r=25pvlv&utm_campaign=comment-list-share-cta&utm_medium=web&comments=true&commentId=45169632
We only grieve what or who we love. Which means, IOW, if we ain't grievin' we be hatin'. My own path has been a fair share of both. So glad, when it comes time to choose, you choose love more often my friend. Keep lovin', keep grievin'.
thank you, my friend 🙏 you as well. you are one of the most powerful examples of how grief deepens our capacity for love, connection and service to the world.
Nine Inch Nails is my connection to the anger which I then translate into Jeet Kune Do and Crossfit (I’m a trainer). Three hours of this per day purges the incessant monotone of the normie world.
A song which has been haunting me for two years is Melanie’s, “Look What They’ve Done to my Song, Ma.” Miley Cyrus covered it. Helluva song. I’ve been forcibly red-pilled since I was four years old. IQ of 168 does not help. I hear your pain.
That’s cool you are a JKD and CrossFit trainer. Muay Thai and boxing practitioner myself and yes it definitely helps purge. I know what you mean with NIN. “The Fragile” is a masterpiece. I love Downward Spiral too.
Trent Reznor tapped into his deep melancholy and created masterpieces. I believe that his formative years of growing up in PA gave him a giant push to GET OUT of Nowhere, USA. His lyrics can be a bit raw but the music, it drives the whole “Pretty Hate Machine”. Glad that Bowie helped him overcome his addictions.
I’m sorry to bother you again but just for clarification I had two replies from 12/10. The one I’m referring to starts with “This hit me like a bag of bricks.”
Excuse me, 12:52 am.
Ok thank you Erin. It’s been really nice talking to you. Have a great rest of your day!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I see your comment but it’s been pushed further down (or up?) posted at 12:42 am
Someone else will probably play your eulogy because let’s face it, husbands usually die first. LOL! NIN has a unique ability of getting you through tough sh*t when you want to break sh*t and then once you are on the other side you see the weird beauty in the darkness you needed to come out into the light. I believe you about Trent, probably cause he knew you understood him. Is that Bowie and Reznor Hurt collab from Riverport Amphitheater in St Louis? In one of my posts, I think it’s Battle with Seth if I remember I mention the Eraser drums before battle. I’m referencing “Eraser” from Downward Spiral. Can I ask you something? Can you see my second reply to this post? It’s from last night and keeps getting pushed down. I just want to make sure whoever needs help can see it. Super important I might need to restack it.
Yes, I can see your comment dated Dec 10. The video was done in 1994 - doesn’t mention location.
Yes, all true. I’m glad Bowie(huge fan of) helped him too. The song “Hurt” is so beautifully tragic in that he knows he will hurt the person he cares for cause he is broken. I love that song closes out Downward Spiral. Bowie helped a lot of people and was a Sage for some artists. He had a good heart and much wisdom to give. He also helped James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem get through some psychological issues. The song Black Screen is about Bowie recorded after he died.
I told my husband that I wanted “Hurt” to be played at my eulogy. Seeing NIN in concert with Chris Cornell and Soundgarden (opening act) was sheer bliss. I tweeted out my response after the concert and the next morning Trent Reznor (verified personal Acct.) was following me. I just wanted him to know how deep the rage/anger can go and how cathartic it was to embrace that mostly-repressed feeling without shame or guilt. He has touched many a nerve, Trent has. And yes, I took a screenshot of the follow. He has a relatively small personal account. Probably for a very good reason. My apologies for going off-subject but the live version of NIN and Bowie covering “Hurt” is one of the best collabs ever.
omg i had to interject here --- I have the first four measures of the song "Hurt" tattooed on my forearm. A dove is flying away with the sheet music to that song. Dove being a reminder to find peace in music and not go to prison for my anger. "Hurt" was the first song I ever performed publicly. It speaks so flawlessly to where we come from. so much love to everyone here, im SO grateful to see people connecting it's fkng beautiful.
Haunting, beautiful, healing!
I’ve been listening to “Everybody’s favorite piece of trash” last month on repeat I guess I’m the type that has the “winter blues” as they call it and was deeply depressed. Could still work but lost a good bit of weight due to not eating. Doing better now and starting to eat more and healthier foods.
I hope the song was helpful / validating to what you were going though and didn't add to the heaviness you were feeling at all. I have mad love for you dude. And I'm right there with you, I lost a LOT of weight in the last few months. I'm slowly getting myself to eat and sleep more. Let's do this together 🙏
We are both telling our stories in tandem here on the stacks. I find that fascinating.
the quantum field is REAL!!! ❤️ 🙏 I love this
There is a lot of that going on here. It is a place that went dormant before COVID and has now exploded. Some of my pals say it's the springtime of humanity, after that long winter of lockdowns and fearful life, that is making all the quantum connections pop. Others say this is the roaring 20s, the roar before the end. Ha. Who cares? Be in the now, right now, and see what you can do to help. That's it. Game over. Maybe.
"Everybody's favourite piece of trash" is excellent. I especially like the on screen lyrics and end notes. The cinematography is in the best spirit of the Blair Witch Project and that did pretty well. 🔥🎇
Yo thank you!!! I really appreciate that!!! Had ZERO idea what we were doing, but the song is called everyones favorite piece of trash, so why not make a trash video? It luckily worked lol, but yeah there was no lighting at all besides candles and a random string of xmas lights, and we just shot that in my tiny apartment at the time. It's a grimey video for a grimey song for sure. Thank you so much for the feedback and taking the time to listen.
You're welcome. God bless you. Amen. I subscribed to your YouTube. It's a dark video matching the dark lyrics but it's bright with possibilities too. Kind of like life. Not always what we expected but somehow God provides. Praise God. Amen.
Your poem is inspiring me to dust off an old poem of my own for my other 'stack. So, many thanks to you for manifold blessings.
God bless you too! Wait you have another substack besides the SpacePrive News? I love reading peoples poetry, please let me know when/where you post it!!!
Yes. L5News.substack.com
My post yesterday quotes you extensively. "Speaker for the Dead and wounded" is the title.
I'll try to post the poem tomorrow, but 🎶 Monday Monday, can't trust that day
OMFG I dead ass just READ AND RESTACKED THAT ARTICLE!!!! holy shit I had no idea. That was so powerful. Okay cool so regardless of where you post I will receive the notification. But whoa. That was a powerful fkng post. Wait i was quoted in that? I read the entire thing and didnt notice holy shite. That was such a massively on point call to action -- thank you for writing that
You're welcome. All the glory to God. Amen.
Got up early. Posted the first poem.
https://open.substack.com/pub/l5news/p/anthem-for-the-ama-gi
This just hit me like a bag of bricks. I don’t know man, I just feel like this was meant to happen. It can’t wait till morning. I was feeling suicidal too I didn’t take steps but I definitely felt my life didn’t matter anymore. Having kids helped but that’s a terrible reason to say ok I’ll stay alive. I’ve never told anyone this except my two boys, not even my Mark Passio Telegram group which I’m close with. The very first post I put on Substack is called “Running and Rebirth.” The character is named James Young. It’s really me it really happened every single bit of it. After the experience I thought oh it was cool and all but probably just runners high. Oh was I mistaken. Five days after the experience I visited my parents who live 4.5 hours south of me. Something happened there 4.5 hours away that no that was not a fluke. I was thinking about starting a blog about the bs going on in the world but didn’t know where to start. Something told me to start with this story but even after the experience at my parents I put it off (the hero’s refusal of departure). A month or so later I went to see Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. That movie is a trip yo. When I got in the car with the kids after the movie something happened. Ok MESSAGE from the Universe received. I started my account and posted it. After I published it and I mean IMMEDIATELY after, I went to go pick up a pizza with my oldest son. He had just read my story and I told him it was real and we shared a moment. When we got in the car something happened that froze us and we looked at each other, mouths dropped. I started to choke up and said to him, “Remember this when you go through tough times, and you will have them I promise, I don’t bullsh*t you. If you have faith and you know you are doing what is right and you act upon it, the universe will surprise you in unexplainable ways.” I know he’ll never forget that. It’s not important now what the three things that happened are I can tell them at a later date. Frankly it would ruin the story you haven’t read yet. I know now that experience was not meant just for me. It was meant for others too. FYI not giving anything away, much much much more past flashed before me but I was only able to write so much. Something is happening to us who are awake where we are not only becoming awake to what’s happening but awake to why we are here. Remembering why. I know it’s hard if you are going through tough times but try and listen. Even if you’re not ears open like Bugs Bunny you might hear a whisper, then a sign. If it really pulls at you in the right way, follow it.
My pleasure man. Tesstamona touched on “friends” acting like you have leprocy I was like “Yes!” Louis CK has a joke about when he went through his shenanigans a few years ago like “You find out who your real friends are. Like nobody wants to know who their real friends are.” 😂 Read my story “Running and Rebirth” Its my first post so scroll all the way to the bottom. I’m really glad I could help. That experience in that story saved my life and help me raise up and put one step in front of another. Sometimes, honestly, its just that simple. Don’t think big picture, just one step. Before you know it you’ll be like (happily) how did I get here? Hang in there!
Your words about a trigger warning really hit me. You said you had been dealing with it since you were 10. That pretty much sealed that argument. I am glad you are safe and sound, honey. I love your work. I say you are a beautiful gem. Someone willing to be vulnerable. You are someone strong. You are talented and beautiful on the inside and out. I am honored to virtually meet you. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I remember hearing that phrase a lot too, "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" -- true and valuable AF indeed. I can't say I don't understand when people do take that path, because I do.. but there's always been that TINY voice inside my head every time I've come to the edge (with the exception of actual attempts in my early youth, but that was a long time ago) that always says something like... "what if this is premature? What if everything you're fighting for and aiming at is literally right around the corner?" So far, that has proven to be true. Everything is always changing. And though connection and community is a legitimate biological need.. I also agree that the ability to be solid and survive in the absence of that entirely is ALSO a biological need/survival skill. All hell breaks loose when someones in that position who does not have the skill nor the willingness to learn to develop it. I am grateful to hear some of your story/background, thank you again for sharing it!