Become Ungovernable

Brief prose to start an experiment of sorts:

When I woke up this morning, 
it took a while for my consciousness to return to my body. 
I was still over there, yet awake here. 

I noticed the crossing, the bridge, 
the space between realms.
I became conscious in it. 
Strange. 

The dreams have been quite vivid lately. 
Sometimes my greatest fears manifest. 
Sometimes that person I never had a clear conversation with 
shows up to yell at me for cutting them off. 
I can't say I blame them. 
I have a habit of detaching with a guillotine. 

Doesn't make it right, nor an excuse to continue. 

I think change is called for. 

As I observed the out-of-ordinary length of time it took 
for me to arrive back into my body in this earth realm 
and out of the lunar sphere 
or ancestral realm, 
so many names for the same thing.. 

I felt disturbances arise. 
In the mind, resentments. 
In the body, pain. 

I posed myself the question, 
as waking up is becoming harder with passing days, 

What is my motivation for getting out of this bed? 

I meant that seriously, not in some sarcastic or 
self-pitying way. 
What is it?

I have survived as long as I have because I am driven. 
Things have become foggy. 
Gasoline turned to fumes.

What is my reason for getting out of this bed? 
What is my motivation to do this? 

A rather sane form of checking in. 
This is not coming from a suicidal or dark place. 
This is truly, needing to reconnect with the "Why" of 
why do I arise, expend energy, 
choose to engage, 
why? 

I listened to Remington Donovan speak 
on various configurations celestial. 
His voice pierced through my murmuring thoughts, 
as he suggested, 
even in environments you hate, 
try, as an experiment,
loving it anyway. 
try this for 30 days. 

I remembered the times, 
when in the place that came to mind as 
"one that I hate" 
was a place I found incredibly fortunate, empowering, 
and I was very grateful for. 
A double edged sword, but, 
Is not the mind the sword? 
And the words it draws and sends forth? 

I like experiments. 
They tend to surprise. 
I will try. 

And the other reason... 
the primary reason of "Why" I arise..
the reason that has always been my reason... 
Stares me in the face. 
Steel strings. Keys. Vibrations you cannot replace. 

I know why I am blocked from it, 
so knowing this, I can move through it, 
should I choose to slow down enough and 
embody that which we call 
Courage. 

It never means the absence of fear, it means going forth in the presence therein. 

I will do what I must to harmonize with the warring energy, 
the gaze of Mars,
and give my body and mind the movement they need, 
especially the body. 
movement heals the pain. 

artificial lights, lives, and sedentary routines we've normalized 
as the "productive day to day" 
are anything but. 
And what is this knowledge, 
if I do not embody it? 

It has been 10 days without a cigarette. 
That happened when I was not "ready" to quit 
Nor had I built up the mental and physical resilience 
to handle the detox of 
thousands of chemicals I've been inhaling 
since the age of 14. 

I wear a shirt that says
become ungovernable! 
i haven't felt very ungovernable lately. 

nothing external to blame, 
my spark has been dimmed, 
and it is that spark of life that makes 
a being sovereign. 

Let us commence the experiment. 
Ask myself in every moment, 
where is Love here? 
How can I harmonize with it? 
Movement, movement, movement, 
first things first, 
take care of the body so it stops screaming at you. 

Then, approach that nemesis, 
that holds the key to your soul and 
next step to liberation, 
approach the instrument. 
see what happens. 

If I can stop smoking, then surely, 
I can face myself. 

Yes, I got this in a T-Shirt, hoodie, and coffee mug. 100% recommend for morale purposes. Who doesn’t love a happy sovereign hippo?

To make a one-time donation to support my writing, poetry, podcast and music, you may go to https://ko-fi.com/tesstamona

You can also support this work for free by liking, commenting, and sharing.

You may support the music if it moves you, by doing the same. Links to all music on any platform, plus the podcast, and other platforms, are at: https://linktr.ee/tesstamona

Latest release is the Algorithm Ghetto Music Video

If you’d like to offer suggestions to a Spotify playlist I created - Rebel Rising: Music For The People - please do so in the comments!

If you make music, YES, you can suggest your own tunes!

Genre does not matter, the music just needs to be on Spotify so I can add it there. Only “theme” is that the lyricist tells the truth. That is all.

If it is a song without lyrics, then let the sounds tell the truth - you know what I mean.

Truth music.