The ACTUAL Meaning Of Life

We already had it, but we were told to sacrifice it...

I’ve wanted to speak on this topic so often in this last month. 

At first it was going to be an article titled “Stop Calling Me An Independent Woman.” 

I never wrote it though. 

Then the events of today drove everything home to a crystal clear perspective.

At first I felt peace.

Then… so much grief.

THE ACTUAL MEANING OF LIFE. 

We’ve been lied to, friends.

I can’t post videos here, but I posted a video to social media today on this topic. Here is a transcription of what I said:

You know what I’ve recently learned? The rat race is a hell of a lot more than a wolf ticket.

It’s a lie that has been sold to so many of us, and so many don’t realize it until it’s too late.

Things like career, money, status, reputation, fame—we are told to put things that actually matter in life (like family, relationships) on the back burner.

We call it making a sacrifice, right? So we can just GRIND, so we can just push for ourselves and our dreams, and all of a sudden, we’re so fucking focused on ourselves, that even when we achieve those goals, if we don’t have valuable meaningful connections to share them with, they fucking mean NOTHING.  

And that victory is so empty.

I’m guessing thats why these people who reach these pinnacles of success so often OD or kill themselves, because they fucking realize that shit too..

just a thought.. that I think we’ve all been lied to, just to be wage slaves and little perfect workers, and endlessly chase something that we’ll never find, because the thing that we’re all ultimately looking for, 

FULFILLMENT,

which only true love and connection can bring,

is something that we already have, 

But we’re told to sacrifice it

For....

FILL IN THE BLANK. 

 - - -

I’m not religious, but maybe they were right about the whole family values part.

I’ll come out and say it: progressivism is a cancer and so is modern feminism.

Sure, it started with good intentions… allegedly… I wasn’t there. 

But plain as fucking day, this is trash. 

I’ll tell you why, incase you still feel SO FREE in the scenario of working until you’re 65, only to retire off an SSI payment every month that isn’t even enough to rent out a studio apartment.

(This is also why France is rioting BTW - they raised the retirement age. How sad is it that we LIVE for the hopes that we’ll get a few years to ourselves at the tail end of things? Still think you’re not a slave?)

OUR ABILITY TO CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER HAS BEEN SHORT CIRCUITED. 

There are SO MANY reasons for this. 

I may disagree with a lot of idiots in this space, but a lot of so-called “traditionalist” or “trad” ideology is on point. Obviously there will always be the incels that twist it to justify their own cowardice and lack of accountability by blaming their problems on someone else - how uniquely American. 

So when I bring that up, let’s separate the actual ideologies from the idiots, because they are NOT the same thing. Keep in mind, every school of thought has idiots. 

Last night I was WIDE AWAKE and kinda trippin out. Everything was racing through my head. 

I realized two things. 

I released a song and music video on Friday. I have NEVER had a release go the way that did. 

Normally, releases are STRESSFUL. They are intense. Adrenaline filled. Sometimes filled with tons of frustration because half the time I get censored or run into stupid shit. 

This release? 

Well, technically YouTube gave it a content warning and refused to promote it.

That’s normally something I’d stress over. For some reason, I DID NOT. 

I went to work. I worked a double that day. To my shock… 

Everything came together regardless of limited visibility in the algorithm. 

It wasn’t about getting super high views/streams. What gave me this relieving, relaxing, calming, peaceful, GRATEFUL sense of fulfillment… was the emotions people shared after watching the music video.

They connected to all the people in the video, they expressed that it brought them joy and they were happy; it gave people in the community a feeling of pride, excitement and gratitude. 

THAT IS THE GREATEST THING WE CAN DO WITH ART.

Not because “oh look at me, I’m so cool just out here benefitting people” no fuck that, it’s legitimately a PRIVILEGE to be able to make someone else happy.

Does that make sense? 

I love that so much about life. Even if I am in so much pain, in so much stress, so sleep deprived, so uncertain of the future, so overwhelmed… 

When I see happy people in the comments that connect with the content, that recognize some of the folks in the video, that feel like their way of life is being validated and acknowledged, I can’t explain how happy that makes me. 

Going against the grain is fucking hard. Creating your own destiny is hard.

Rejecting the fate of the conveyor belt is hard…

it requires tremendous bravery… and it is often a very lonely, daunting, uncertain process…

nothing is guaranteed. 

Freedom is anything but easy.

That’s why we are so restricted in this society… because we have traded rights and freedoms for ease.

THE POINT IS: 

The people who are choosing to exit and build parallel economies, lives and communities are heroes. They are revolutionaries. I love them and I want to acknowledge and celebrate every single one of them. (By the way, you can watch this video here.)

WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS? 

Because I realized… 

Yo, fuck this ENDLESS GRIND AND OBSESSIVE HUSTLE to constantly push push push for success, to always be running like a hamster on a wheel, having to live in cities which I often hate, dealing with music industry people who I often hate, and having to CONSTANTLY promote and create content for…endless social media platforms. 

I am telling you right now, too much time on these devices is why all these adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD. YES I get it we all have the symptoms. YES it’s real. It’s just not for the reasons the doctors tell you. 

It is also incredibly lonely, to have to be SO focused on this quest to get this career off the ground, what the fuck does that even mean, and at what cost? 

Thats why I’m telling you this. 

I realized… I don’t need some giant career with this. I don’t know what it’s going to look like, but the most fulfilling thing was doing something that was a service to a community I love. That was enough. If I can just keep doing that, that is perfect. TRULY. Because it is full of SO MUCH LOVE FROM EVERY ANGLE. 

This is when I also realized… 

Look at how many years I have sacrificed the relationships in my life to pursue music. 

A LOT. 

The first half of my twenties, I sacrificed music to accommodate relationships that were toxic/abusive, and to enable my own toxic behavior/escapism in those relationships as well. 

The second half? I went to the polar opposite end of the spectrum and was like “fuck relationships” and just focused on music, as best I could. 

I also moved a lot because of this. 

Then moved some more due to horrific and tyrannical decisions carried out by both politicians and civilians (vaccine passport cities).

When you are moving around a lot, it’s hard to establish solid friendships. 

I may have a lot of friends, but how many are close? 

Out of the ones who are close, do they live in the same area I do? 

This is all important to me. More important than music. 

Without community, the spirit begins to decay. You can do it for a little while… but eventually, you’re gonna feel it.

When I say relationship, I’m not only referring to romantic ones, I mean friendships too. Yes, a romantic/life partner is very important. As a friend said to me tonight, who is also a woman, “The best parts of me come out in relationships” and holy SHIT I could not possibly have related more. 

That’s what is so uniquely dope about being a woman, and it’s something I’ve had my whole life, the innate ability to be this vessel of love and care toward the people in my life.

The only time that goes south is when you’re being abused. But when you aren’t? It is literal heaven on earth, and yes, we are absolutely at our best. 

So what the fuck… we drank the kool aid that told us being a loving woman was weak. 

Sure, I and many others have plenty of life experience where we could NOT embody that loving feminine energy, or we would have died. Life is ruthless, as are the people in it, and sometimes it is not safe to be open like that.

But whatever the hell we’re doing now, I want out.

I don’t want to live in SURVIVAL MODE forever and call it being an independent woman.

We don’t need your accolades for being independent, every person is independent - that’s just some commercialized way of saying you’re on your own and a great candidate for the IRS to earn money off your labor.

You better sell all the hours of your waking life to a corporation, because you don’t have REAL wealth - COMMUNITY.

There are other forms of currency besides fiat/monopoly money.

Relationships are the greatest form of wealth.

That’s what’ll save your life when the shit hits the fan - your community, your people. Not the digits in your checking account.

The real wealth in this world is… THE EXACT THINGS WE ARE TOLD TO SACRIFICE IN ORDER TO “EARN” THE FAKE SHIT.

We are wired for connection, this idea of “fuck everyone, get money” is disgusting, but the hallmark of hustle culture that has also become a great cloak for people to mask that which they are ashamed of… the fact that we all actually do need each other, regardless of your gender.

(when I say “fuck everyone” I mean it like “disregard everyone”, not the other way.)

Being feminine is not useful to capitalism. 

Thats why it was destroyed and replaced with “lets just try to be men”

But even the masculine has been hijacked to serve the banking cartels.. 

The point is… 

It’s all a lie. 

I don’t need to keep prioritizing a career over my fucking emotional wellbeing. 

And I don’t need to keep fucking pretending like I don’t have specific needs as a woman and as a human being… 

CONNECTION. Love. TO LOVE and to be loved. That’s real shit. 

Somewhere along the line… I threw it out with a smile… because I wanted to be like the guys. I thought, “Why would you need love in this world, it’s ruthless.. I want power.”

Yeah, fuck that. No I don’t. Not anymore. 

I don’t know if it’s too late for us or not. 

I thought back to the one person I was going to marry in my life who is now deceased. 

I thought back to how easily I threw away other marriage proposals because I didn’t want to be a stay at home wife and I wanted to make music. 

Granted… those relationships would not have worked out, but Jesus Christ dude. I just had no idea what I was doing. No perspective on what really mattered at all. I had to learn it by living it. 

Fuck modern feminism. Fuck progressivism.

I don’t like any isms, but if you had to peg me with one, anarchism - sovereign spirit - because a sovereign spirit needs no governance, it already operates under the one law, and that law is Love. 

That’s the fucking meaning of life. 

YES THE OTHER STUFF IS COOL TOO. 

YES I’M STILL MAKING MUSIC. 

BUT I’M MAKING SPACE NOW FOR OTHER THINGS NOW.

Community building. Friendships. Being of Service. Love. Romance. Family. A Well Regulated Militia. Whatever May Come! 

CONNECTION IS KEY. I know I’ve said it before and DEATH is always what teaches me best… but for some reason… these last few days everything has just created a perfect storm in my mind where I have decided to do some course correcting. 

It’s time to make money a different way. It’s time to prioritize relationships. It’s time to prioritize health and happiness and peace and enjoyment of life. It’s time to prioritize getting back to the land and being in nature. 

EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE. IT ALWAYS DOES. 

As for the lost generations? 

Millenials… Gen Z… lord don’t get me started on Gen Alpha… 

Can we make it? I don’t know. 

I was with someone today who is my age… he bounced around from the larger cities in this country as well. I could see in him the same inner frenzy and war I have in myself. 

I see it everywhere. In everyone. 

We have lost touch. Lost connection. 

I see people SO consumed with themselves, their goals, their own lives… and they are also so lonely, and wonder why they can’t connect.

They don’t know they are under a spell of self obsession. 

It doesn’t make us bad people, it’s literal programming. And in a lot of cases, operating in a society as unnatural as this, you have to be like that to survive… but it is NO long term solution… it kills you. 

I know this to be true because I have been under the same spell for a very long time. 

I’m fuckin over it. I’m out. 

Not out of the substack, not out of music, not out of the planet… not yet. 

But I’m out of this rat race nonsense. 

How to fix?

Society can fuck off entirely, I’m tired of filtering my thoughts. 

I like cool people I meet on trails near the lake that bring dogs. These simple things make me happy. And so much more. 

So I’m gonna slow down, plant some roots, examine where I have been emotionally avoidant and unavailable to both myself and others, and fucking fix it. 

There’s my philosophizing and processing and realizations and shit. I’m also really tired right now so im gonna go to sleep, but I wanted to get this out… this is in RAW FORM… I’ll refine it when I do a podcast and that’ll make more sense. Here’s some memes from a stoicism inspired page on IG that really hit the nail on the head about what SO MANY WOMEN are feeling right now. 

No more rat race. No more endless paper chase. No more killing ourselves just to feel visible for half a fucking second. 

We return to our natural states. 

I know it wont be overnight at all… I guess now we all gotta find our way back to something we have literally never known, other than the basic biological confirmations of it in our mind, body and spirits. 

The End. 

If you relate and are going through similar things or would like to contribute thoughts, please leave a comment, I love hearing from you.