Tell Them You Love Them

Why do we fear love? We don’t. We fear the inevitable loss of it. Here’s why it’s still worth it:

When we lose people, our connections to them don’t disappear, thats why it hurts. It’s like the invisible energetic string that connected you is getting stretched as one of you moves into the realm of the unseen, and the other is still in the 3D… so that pull hurts, and is confusing- because we cannot see where they go when they die.  

However, in the amount of reflecting we do, and in the depth of grief we feel, we often realize that GRIEF is one of the highest expressions of love, and as Dylan’s mother would tell me after he passed, a “badge of honor”, because it shows how much he loved us, and we loved him. 

Before I continue, here is a clip from the livestream I did with Eric from Porterhouse and Teal on YouTube - this section we talked about lessons from death, grief, loss, and also what to do for those of us in this realm… (click on the image to get to the YouTube clip)

We spoke of how the legacies our departed loved ones become our North Star, we spoke of the importance of telling people YOU LOVE THEM - here and now - while they are alive - because when they cross over, the only thing that will haunt you is what you DIDNT do, what you didnt express. Sometimes it’s what you did do, but if you cleared it up, it’s all good - so another tip was to get square and clear shit up with anyone you have discord with right now, its so important for the collective frequency to shift into one that is remotely functional right now: (To watch the full livestream, where we covered topics ranging from self reliance, preparedness, liberty, relationships, recovery, death, culture and the direction of society, click here.)

Incase clicking on the picture didn’t take you to the video, the youtube link is here.

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The deeper the grief I have felt, the more I have reflected and leaned into the loss. 

It has broadened my capacity to love SO much. 

It has deepened my appreciation for the people in my life that I love, and has greatly reduced (or eliminated) my tolerance for bullshit, lukewarm connections, and unreliable or transactional-natured dynamics. 

To say I am allergic to bullshit is an understatement, and that is because I value my time, and the QUALITY of time I have on this earth. Death is really good at fast tracking you into that mindset, if you’re someone who has struggled with discernment and boundaries with other people, as I have throughout my life. 

A continuation from the first post I made on here, I cut the entry off right as I touched on the experience of losing Dylan, who was my first love, first everything really, I had been with him since I was 14 years old and he was my fiance at one point. 

We went different directions before he passed and were not engaged when he died, but we were still in communication - we were actually planning a reunion/get together to catch up. Unfortunately, that opportunity never came, as his death was sudden and unexpected. He did visit me three times in my dreams after he passed though, and I cherish that beyond words. 

I share this experience that it may help someone else, and that maybe someone can truly see how beautiful love is, and to SLOW DOWN in life and never take a second for granted… no matter the case, everything is temporary. When it’s gone, it’s gone.

We’re all on missions here in our lives, but don’t forget to allow time to stop. Don’t forget to find the universe in someone else’s eyes. 

You know what I mean. 

Let’s rewind to 2021, when I got the phone call informing me that the man I had spent a third of my life with was found dead. 

I never knew that type of pain existed until he died. It felt like half my soul was ripped out of my body. I never knew we were still so attached on an energetic level. If you want to talk about a glitch in the matrix- that right there made me feel like we lived in a BROKEN simulation more than anything else.

No death has ever cut away the NOISE in life the way that his did. 

They all do to a degree, but my god did everything not come to a screeching halt, and though my body existed in the 3D plane, I could see myself in my minds eye suspended in a black void- the silence of it was deafening and this went on for months. 

However, the first message was delivered immediately: The only thing that matters in life is LOVE, and the relationships we have with others. Everything else is noise. I felt this immediately, as one does any time there is a death- everything you were concerning yourself with or worried about falls away. The person you lost is your focus, all your memories, and the people who are still alive today become more magnified in your minds eye.

You realize how much everyone means to you and how important it is to say “I love you” while you still can. Ever notice how when there is a death in the community, people are brought together? People who haven’t spoken in years start talking again? 

There’s a reason for that - people remember what really matters, and trivial bullshit that so easily divides us these days - that ain’t it. 

Not to say contributions to humanity and society don’t matter, because they do, but when you die, people are most impacted by how they felt with you, as opposed to how they might have been inspired by watching you do whatever you did. 

You could be a musician who put out ten hit albums, but someone’s memory of a conversation you had with them while they were at their lowest point is going to supersede all of that. 

My story with Dylan is far from normal, we were living together when I was 16 and he was 17, but we had been together since I was 14. We went through so much over many years, and if it wasn’t for his presence in my life (and protection in many situations), I likely would not have survived my teenage years. 

I grew up with him, so it was a tremendous blow when he died. I was submerged in grief and it only got heavier as time went on. 

When grieving to that extent, you’ll do interesting shit like google “Does the CIA hire people with a record of PTSD” which likely automatically gets you put on some sort of list (and the answer is for sure NO by the way) — Why would I do that?

I figured I could join some murderous intelligence group with my own personal agenda so I could avenge the circumstances of his death. Pretty sure the CIA is trained well to vet people joining their “organization” who have hidden motives - they’re not interested in training rogue lunatics, thats what the feds are for! 

I mean I’m sure the CIA would do it, just not domestically.

It can also have you thinking that there must be SOME way to go back in time, and warn the younger versions of the two of you. You might hit people up who practice certain occult sciences and ask if there’s a way to alter time and the course of events in this dimension - luckily their answer to me was no.

I say luckily because there are huge consequences for messing around with the “natural order of things”, so I’m glad I never made an attempt - but grief will have you willing to do just about anything to make reality different, even if it means sacrificing you own life. 

Those are the slightly more… entertaining (?) things to share about what grief can do, but it gets much darker than that. 

It’s important to face the darkness, but some people do not come back from that journey. So if you find yourself drowning and you realize you’re in too deep, ask for help immediately. If you don’t have anyone who understands, call a mental health crisis hotline, a suicide prevention hotline, or join a bereavement (grief) group. 

I did all three of those things, because it became way too much for one person to handle. 

When Dylan died it completely changed my life, and to be honest, it continues to do so. I still think about what it’d be like if he were here, I still think about the choices made with no regard to our mortality, because if we truly realized that this life was finite and had a better grasp on the fact that we were not invincible, I feel that things may have turned out differently, but who knows.

So I share the story,  because if I can help others who found love at a young age (or any age) that might be taking something like that for granted, my god that’s all I would want to do- if I could prevent another young couple from meeting the same fate- dreams of a lifetime together ending a premature, sudden, tragic death- one that could have been prevented, if only we had known then what we know now? That would be a massive win in my book. 

As young teenagers, we had no fucking idea about anything- we just thought we did. So fate was sealed way before it all went down. The point of me telling you this now, is that when he died I became a new person with a new perspective, and I took life a lot more seriously. I also had a series of events where Dylan showed up in my dreams. I will not disclose what he said to me in those dreams because I want to keep that between us, but you can tell the difference between a dream/my subconscious versus a spirit actually making contact. 

When he did that, I was blessed, because I was given guidance and instruction on how to move forward, and specifically what to do. I was given a mission, and I am still in the process of fulfilling what was asked. 

I’ve had people who died show up in my dreams before. None of them have in the way that Dylan did, and none of them gave me such a specific message for my life- I get emotional just writing this, but lets just say it makes you realize even more that death is NOT what we are told it is by our mainstream religions, our fears, scientists or atheists. Fuck no. 

I can’t tell you what it is entirely, obviously, but I sure as shit can tell you what it isn’t. It is far from “nothingness”. And it also isn’t the concept of heaven or hell that the bible has people believing. 

Before Dylan died, I was involved in a certain music community that was, for lack of better words— going nowhere. It was not impactful on a spiritual level, which is why I started making music in the first place. It was caught up in stupid shit, as was I- missing the mark entirely of why I started this journey. When Dylan died, holy FUCK that brought me out of that INSTANTLY. 

What else did it do? It taught me immediately this:

the only thing that matters in life is love, everything else is NOISE. 

I knew that because all of the noise stopped when he died.

This expanded outward from just him. The love I had for our mutual friends that we grew up with, all our memories, people I hadn’t spoken to in years, the love I had for his family, all of that came flooding back. It’s not like it was ever gone, but it was now at the forefront of everything, as opposed to my worldly missions and ambitions always being my “North Star”. It’s a very different frame of consciousness to be in.  

So I was able to see everything clearly then- where we went wrong, where we went right, what really matters in life, what doesn’t, and how we all seem to clumsily let the one thing that matters most (LOVE) slip through our fingers, time and time again. 

I know I’m talking about difficult topics, for me this isn’t hard to write about at this point but for some people, they get strange when topics like this come up. So you’re probably wondering why I’m saying love is still worth it? 

Yes, it hurts to lose it. 

But when you truly take a birds eye view of your life and realize you were lucky enough to actually have real love in your life? 

It doesn’t matter if the person or people you loved are still here or not. You got to have that experience. You know what love is. You’ve felt that. And when someone passes, their legacy, their memories, they become a tattoo on your soul- a badge of honor. 

And as they say, whoever has the biggest aura wins- and the condition and impact one’s aura makes has nothing to do with time or age, and it lives on forever. 

There are actually people on this planet who have NEVER experienced love. I know this because I’ve heard many people very late into their years on this planet express that. I can’t fucking IMAGINE that. You’d think “oh they must be happy, they don’t know what they’re missing—“ Yo trust me when I say this: They fucking know what they missed. They are NOT happy about that shit at all. 

Let’s take something more easily relatable (it’s sad this is easier to relate to in our society) but sex: there are people who live out their lives and die without ever having had sex. Can you imagine that? Didn’t think so. 

Unless someone chose that path for religious reasons, it’s very unfortunate, because that is such a huge part of the human experience, so yeah you may have lived out your “time” on this earth, but in my opinion its quality over quantity. 

The story continues and gets especially strange. I will share a few more things and then publish this article for free subscribers. The remainder will be available to paid subscribers only, because I’m grateful as fuck that people are willing to support any of my creative endeavors, and because there are so many of these “endeavors”, it can be a lot of time to create a bunch of different content, so I’m splitting this in half. 

To paid subscribers, you’ll receive a Part 2. To everyone else, I love you. I’m improving my writing to try and be more concise and not as all over the place, so bare with me. 

What I really wanted to drive home is… REAL LOVE IS RARE. And when you lose it, and reflect on it, and compare it to everything else in your life… you will NEVER settle for anything less. That is a blessing. Even if it never happens again, you still got to know what real love is, and that… is a WIN. 

You can trust your instincts now, because you have known the TRUTH. 

Love to all reading this. 

LINKS:

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