Perfectionism vs. "Do It Ugly"
When displays of humanity are considered ugly, and an impossible standard is considered the only acceptable option, you might be living in a neurotic society being groomed for....
Being groomed for…
Disconnect - demoralization - capitulation - AUTOMATION.
Yeah I can go off about how the “conspiracies” are right in front of our face and most couldn’t see it if their life depended on it (which it does), but ALSO here’s something more palatable, for now:
Yes dystopia is here. I wish I was able to speak more on it. Learning how to do so without getting banned from the public talking space (internet) is a fucking struggle. But there might be another way. Dystopia aside, the basics never change:
Healing and transformation, both individually and collectively, are paramount. No foundation can be built upon hot garbage, and nobody wants to make a home in a house of cards.
As the energetic frequencies hit the earth at higher rates than any time I’ve ever been alive (check out the last few days of the Schumann resonance if you doubt this), I am reminded of the esoteric teachings pertaining to this age.
“The unfit shall be thrown into the discard.”
Harsh but true. This is not biblical by the way. This is a reminder that ones spiritual fitness must be “kept up” and in turn, we will be kept up. If not, we will be pulled down into the undertow of burnout, depression, vice, abyss.
“There will be three types of people: Angelic people, crazy people, and dead people.”
These messages are to say that humanity is undergoing such a profound change in energy, the speed of life, the perception of time, our capacities both physical and mental to continue living out of the old paradigm, that successful admission into the new current of life is contingent upon our spiritual evolution.
DISCLAIMER: I am not advocating for any particular spiritual path here. I am not advocating for any religion either. To each their own, something is always better than nothing, and I do not, nor will I ever, claim to have the truth of “the one and only way to _____” fill in the blank, you get it.
The case I’m making is the necessity of slowing down and getting in touch with our spirit and the higher Self or higher Source / Creator, whatever word you want to use. This enables us to be who we have always been. Want to deprogram and unslave yourself? That’s how. You already are the solution, the task is to find yourself, or rather OURSELVES, again, because I’m in the same boat as you.
When operating in this flow or frequency, our thinking is placed on a higher plane. Our intuition is fluid and on point as fuck. The relationship we have to our Source / Creator goes from being a one way prayer to a working conversation / relationship throughout our days.
We do live in a world that is designed to pull us away from that power and truth at all costs, which is why it is SO easy to slip on this… and can feel very VERY difficult to tap into, especially at first, or after returning from being “off the beam” so to speak.
Even harder when in crisis, and every trauma response possible is floods your brain and body relentlessly.
What the hell am I even saying?
I’m saying everyone is starting to fall apart, to which I say good.
At the same time, let’s pick ourselves up here. Especially tomorrow, June 21st, the Solstice. That day is a perfect day to embody whatever energy you want to see locked in and unfold for the rest of the year. It is a powerful day in many teachings, so even if you have to do stuff you don’t like, your attitude is what counts. This is a day that comes with the urgency and importance of prayer and meditation, especially when starting the day.
The medicine is in the shadow, and we need to fall apart if we are still trying to live lives that are unnatural and destructive to our humanity, such as:
Moving a mile a minute. Selling the majority of your time on this planet for a breadcrumb wage in which 34% gets stolen from you and you will never, ever get ahead. Allowing our bodies to break down for corporations that would have us replaced the same day if we were to fall ill or die. And they do.
Spending the majority of our time doing things that bleed us dry.
Living out of scarcity and lack mindset. Living as if we’re all in our own personal Truman show, as if we aren’t all connected, as if the end goal in life is “me my and mine”.
This is the old way.
The old way where suffering for hope of a better (after)life was a virtue of sorts.
The old way where we scream for freedom but demand a leader, which never fails to be deranged sociopaths, shills, and puppets for private interests groups and banking cartels.
But we’re here now, and we aren’t here to be slaves. We incarnated with a purpose greater than being dumbed down, poisoned, divided, miserable, and capitalized upon until we die.
Yes, we are human beings, but we still have to do the work. When I say work, I don’t mean your 9 to 5, unless that’s something that you love and fulfills you on a soul level. Everyone has a higher purpose, a Great Work if you will.
I cannot find this for you, but I can tell you that you absolutely have it. This is without exception.
We look at the work force, we look at most of society. Burned out, drugged out, numbed out, so overwhelmed people cannot think straight, relationships go to shit, people turn to one of the greatest culprits for relief, big pharma, and become even more enslaved - have we not all seen the massive wave of every single person now being on adderall or other “performance” drugs to keep us going when our bodies simply say NO? Just because we don’t see a solution right in front of our face doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
This also isn’t here to bash anyone taking prescription drugs, I’ve taken them for many years of my life, including the above mentioned. There’s a reason why I have such a negative opinion on them, although in some cases I do see their necessity, however… I do think the majority, if not all of the problems people experience, even the most severe cases, are attributed to things most people are not aware of.
Let’s call it a mix of collective and individual trauma mixed with poisoned air, food, water, drugs, chemicals, fabrics, culture, EMF radiation, constant blue light/LED exposure from the screens we are always in front of, media, again drugs - but this time I’m referring to that which we consider “medicine” - and god knows what else.
We aren’t living naturally, most people are aware of it at this point, some push harder into the machine/simulation thinking “this spin I’ll come out on top”, the others are baffled at what the hell to do to get out of it, because they’ve never known anything else.
So what do we have now? A population barely hanging on. Barely able to keep up.
However, it is not all doom and gloom.
I’ve been going through the wringer as well, and I hit a pretty severe emotional bottom that honestly scared me recently. Came out of nowhere and took me straight down to that old familiar dark place that I had zero intentions of returning to.
I did what I had to do to make sure my life and sobriety remained intact. It did get that bad unfortunately. There may be some consequences for stepping back from being a hamster on the wheel for a few days, but if I do not get my health and rest and prioritize that, if I do not get my spiritual condition healed, if I do not get my strength back, none of that even matters.
Sometimes we don’t know what the answers or solutions are, but we definitely know what they are NOT. So the best thing we can do is stop the bleeding and step back… from that point, a whole new level of surrender to a power greater than myself is required.
This method has never failed me, it’s how I’ve stayed sober for nearly 14 years. It’s also how I’ve evaded suicide on multiple occasions, among other things.
The more people who become disenchanted and recognize the nature of their condition and how out of alignment it is with their nature, the greater this new generation of seekers grows.
Not just seekers of truth, you don’t have to go as far as you think for that. Seekers of liberation and emancipation from what we refer to as “the matrix”, “the simulation”, “society”, etc.
This culture breeds a lot of neuroticism and I am fully aware of my own case of it.
Neurosis breeds many things, but perfectionism and this need to constantly perform NON STOP is a byproduct of our economic model without a doubt, because it allows for no human experience and variability whatsoever, it demands you behave like a robot, which will soon be the excuse to fully automate everything in time.
But this perfectionism does much more than burn people out. It strips people of their authenticity and the willingness to be vulnerable. Then it creates an environment of delusions where everyone has to “pretend” in order to fit in, and no one really is who they project they are, but everyone thinks they must be the ONLY ONE who isn’t what everyone else looks like externally, so then you get things like severe depression and suicidality - there is a lack of connection to ones self and each other.
We were NOT DESIGNED to be lone wolves. We were designed and programmed on a biological level for connection. This is undeniable.
Perfectionism destroys that if we do not wake from the spell. I am speaking from experience.
I cannot begin to tell you the levels of self-hatred I have dealt with, as early on in life as my first memory, because I “wasn’t like everyone else” - well guess what, everyone else wasn’t “like everyone else” either, it’s a lie.
It will crush your creativity and force you into the shadows. You may have grown up being abused, neglected and silenced, but as you grow older and the external abuse stops, you will soon realize that the gag order around you is held in place by…you.
I am my own prison warden and I am the prisoner. That’s the fucking trip. But this is great news, although the path to this realization is usually one of brutality, but it needs to be experienced.
Then we know this, okay, now what? That’s where the work really starts.
It’s hard as fuck. I was looking through a deck of shadow work cards that a friend (shoutout to Derek, yall should check out his substack articles, I just reposted one of them today) gave me a while back. I have drawn this card multiple times:
Perfectionism vs Do It Ugly
Perfectionism is the “shadow side” of this axis. Do it Ugly is the “light” or the liberation, the solution from the lower vibrational state of this polarity.
The reason why the first step of any 12 step recovery program is “made an admission that we were powerless over ____ and our lives had become unmanagable” is because the beginning of ending any addiction or cycle that has us pinned to the ground is a full admission to ourselves of how fucked we are. We NEED to see it, and we need to be honest with at least one other person about it. We have to allow ourselves to be seen in our true present condition, the thing that this world tells you not to do at every turn.
I think the reason for this is because if we all fully got honest about our lives and what we were going through, we would realize how connected we were, and we’d also realize how eerie it is that everyone seems to be going through the same things at the same time. People would start…. asking questions.
This is a no go for the people who depend on our compliance, because once we got down to the individual and collective causes for the dysfunction in human affairs, we’d plain as day see that everything around us that is sold to us as solutions is actually the opposite.
We would be well on our way to freedom, and we’d be doing it together - in numbers far greater than any elitist secret societies or ultra-rich shot calling families that own all the land/assets.
Just saying.
So what keeps us from looking?
Shame. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Fear of what others will think. More shame again. Fear of isolation is a big one… but the irony is these fears, if not most to all fears, keep us completely isolated, even when surrounded by people.
All I can say is I’m doing the work right alongside you. Clarity, a regulated nervous system, a unified mind body and spirit, and healthy relationships with our environments, selves and others = the recipe for us to access our superpowers. Incredible things happen that I could never do justice in describing with words.
Everyones got their own thing. I’m going to send this off, get back into my kundalini yoga practice and spend at least an hour doing that, write in my journal and write my gratitude list, pray, and then GO TO SLEEP, as I am chronically sleep deprived as I write this.
The other part? Here’s where the DO IT UGLY came in hard for me… aside for having to get really honest about a crisis I was trying to handle on my own, and luckily when I did, a few people stepped in, and it saved my life.
The other part is I decided to start releasing music and content on social media that really dealt with the shit I’ve been experiencing and the things I see others suffering from constantly. Suicidal thoughts. Attempts. Betrayal. Heartbreak. Devastation. PTSD symptoms and new traumas on top of that. Being pushed so far that you put a loaded gun to your head. That stuff is so much more common than people realize, if you’ve been following me on TikTok you know what I’m talking about. I think a lot of it is on instagram too.
The last data I looked at said that there was a suicide attempt in the united states (or an actual suicide, i can’t remember, it was CDC data so its probably worse than this) but they said one occurred in the US every 11 minutes. Who is the age group with the highest suicide rates? AGES TEN TO FOURTEEN. I wonder why. Who is the age group with the second highest rates? Millenials and Early Gen Z’ers, ages 25-35.
When did this increase? Right around 2020. What happened that year? What policies were enacted and accepted on a mass scale? How many people and children were robbed of social interactions, a shred of normal life, how many people lost housing, lost jobs, lost careers, lost families, community standings, lost their minds? This has nothing to do with that virus and everything to do with the psychological fuckery run on the entire planet. Propaganda of course, and also the economic impact and the person to person disconnect.
People were literally programmed to be afraid of each other. We were told to cover our faces which robs our ability to read emotion - which is why empathy rates are lower than they’ve ever been, especially in young people. Did anyone see that article about how Japan is having to give its citizens “Smiling Classes” to teach people how to do that shit again? Yeah.
What I can say is, whatever you are going through, your testimony is necessary and needed. THIS is what I mean by do it ugly. I was fucking terrified to put out the song I just released. Now a super amateur, really grainy and really ugly music video I shot with my boyfriend is coming out on friday. We have no idea what we are doing and I don’t really care. Yet I am still low-key terrified to release that. Why? Because it is ugly, it’s weird, it’s strange, it’s not “normal”. Is it honest though? Yeah. So… fuck it. Do it ugly.
If you see others putting their stories out there, put yours out there too. This creates connection. We HAVE to get out of this spectator sport bullshit that everyone seems to be so entranced with. Participate. Engage. Build communities. In real life and online. Who cares. Just start participating in life and start collaborating and building relationships with people. We have become way too lazy and voyeuristic. We are not avatars, we are people. Remember that.
Anyway if you want to watch the garbage music video on youtube it’s literally free, you can subscribe for the premiere here. It’ll unlock Friday morning, depending on your timezone.
If anyone is interested in trying Kundalini Yoga, which has changed my life beyond words, I highly recommend these two places: (if you do not live where they are located, you can stream live classes or explore pre recorded libraries with enough content to keep you busy for years. This shit is incredible.)
These things literally change your brain chemistry and balance your entire system. This is nothing like western yoga.
Alright fuckers, see you out there, or somewhere I guess. Your comments to these articles are much appreciated, let me know how you are doing. And if you’re on other forms of social media, or want to be on an email list or whatever, you can link up with me at this link right hereeee.
