Loose Change
Let them be your North Star. Let this be a prayer for us all.
I wrote this spoken word piece back in the summer of 2014, when my small hometown’s recovery community had 6 of our comrades die in 10 weeks. Mostly overdose, one suicide. (Don’t worry, this is not a doom post.)
I remember scribbling frantically in a notebook, writing these words I am about to share with you, as I felt the need to re-record it after all these years. When I originally wrote it, the words spilled out all at once. No editing. This is one of many reasons why I believe our creative bursts are often channeled from something higher than what we think of as our mind. Who knows what was behind that - but when that happens, it is not meant to be kept in the dark. It is meant to be shared, as it was not something I created, it was something I received and wrote down.
I decided to record it. I had never recorded a video of myself at that point, let alone posting it to social media. I did it regardless, uploaded it to Facebook, then put my phone on airplane mode (I was too afraid to hear people’s feedback - insecurity is a strange thing) then drove to an AA meeting.
When I got to that meeting, I was in shock. In the 20 minutes it took me to drive there, that video had circulated throughout the community. It would continue to do so in the coming hours and days. That is why I share things like this, because as much as we are told not to talk about things like death, grief, addiction or mental illness, my God is it one of the most widely relatable struggles I’ve ever seen.
Substack is weird about sharing videos, basically I have to upload this to YouTube and then post an image below, and when you click the image, it’ll take you to the video. OR, if you don’t like YouTube, I can upload the audio only to this video straight to the page. I’ll do both, and I hope this is helpful to you.
This is a reminder. This is a prayer. This is a direction. And this is an admission of what it is like to question God, to question the nature of this universe, to question when Death is coming back, and who will be next. The hurricane of the grief process… I think it’s important to share it. Grief is already difficult enough, no one should have to wonder through it alone, feeling like they must be losing their mind for having the thoughts and feelings (or lack of feeling in many cases) that they do. That’s why I share.
Click the above photo to be taken to the video. If for some weird reason it doesn’t work, click here.
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Love you all.
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