“I wish I had someone who would --- WAIT A MINUTE..”

Wisdom from once unconscious mistakes: Over-giving & under-receiving, and the blessing of surrendering to our feminine energy.

Have you ever believed in and loved someone else more than you’ve ever believed in or loved yourself? 

Have you ever caught yourself going to battle for the welfare of someone else’s soul with so much relentlessness that you paused for a second and thought to yourself, (as you talked this person off their ledge…) 

“I wish I had someone who talked to me like this.” 

That right there. 

It is no crime to love and believe in another human being. This only becomes detrimental when two factors are present: One being this person does not love or believe in themselves, and is therefore unwilling to fully accept love or help from anyone else.

The second being that this person has no intention of changing, but they don’t mind the company and your futile attempts in trying to help, as they keep you drunk on the delusion that the two of you are on the same page. (In all fairness, sometimes it’s only us that maintains this mental/spiritual drunkenness and delusion. Every situation varies.)

So, this brings us back to square one, and with a valuable lesson, as these dynamics are heartbreaking and can leave us feeling so exhausted we could sleep for a month straight.

What about that thought we had, about how we wished we had someone in our lives the way we show up in the lives of those we love?

We DO have someone that will talk like that to us. We do have someone who will love in and believe in us as much as we have in the ones we’ve loved most.

That person is ourselves. If we have the capacity to go straight to the depths of hell to help someone else escape, we have the capacity to be our own savior. 

To be clear, this is not dismissing of any religion or advocating atheism. I am someone who believes in God and has a devout spiritual practice, but I don’t believe I am a powerless, useless, wrecked lost cause by ANY MEANS. No true teaching of TRUTH, Love, and God has ever advocated for that either. Corrupted man-made alterations, sure, but that’s a different topic. 

So, 

What is this urge to want to constantly give to others, especially when we receive something good or useful? 

Anybody else relate with that? 

I’m not saying it’s bad, but I am saying if we are these types of people who feel burnt out a lot, and like we give with no reciprocity, what do you think would happen if…. 

We paused when the immediate urge to give away what we receive, and instead, allowed it to integrate and absorb within ourselves first? 

How much more powerful would we be? 

How much more effective would we be in all endeavors? 

The funny thing is, I’m guessing if we allowed ourselves to RECEIVE from time to time… we would actually be more fit to PROVIDE, because we wouldn’t just be these energetic middle-men from one source to another. We’d have our own foundations. 

This post will not resonate with everyone, of course. Some people have the opposite problem, where the thought of giving is repulsive and triggers lack mentality, and all they can think of is themselves and what they can get. 

The great tragedy & theatre of this is, those are the people who the over-giving seem to be most drawn to, and vice versa.

Imagine never being stuck in that cycle of parasitic soul death ever again. 

I’d say it’s a reality worth living and we can start right now. 

This post (and experiment below) will resonate with those who have struggled with co-dependency, and various forms of perceived inadequacies, traumas, abuse and neglect issues, the list goes on. 

Certainly, the opposite is also a manifestation of these things. I’m not sure what makes someone turn into a co-dependent or an “empath” (in this case an empath with zero boundaries, so not empathic in a healthy way… slight entering of territory of borderline personality disorder in some cases) versus the narcissist, the manipulator, the abuser, the sociopath, and entering territory of antisocial personality disorder (which is the same as BPD, they just gave it a different name if it applies to men.) 

Ah the roles we play, the scripts we flow along with. 

We can have balance. If you’ve been reading my Substack for longer than this post, you know I am a heavy advocate for Kundalini Yoga — which is the furthest thing from any western concept of what yoga is, this is not about stretching and flexibility, this is about unbecoming all you are not, beaming into the universe all that you are, and aligning with the frequency of Divine Will and Love. This is an ancient spiritual practice through and through.

So here’s an experiment: 

What if….

What if when we received, we didn’t apologize for it? 

What if, when we received, we graciously accepted, or just allowed? 

What if, when we received, we didn’t immediately rush to give it away?

What if, when we received, we didn’t immediately think of all the other people who need it and ignite our savior and atlas complexes once again, and as always, to our own deprivation and detriment? 

What if, we didn’t apologize for existing? 

What if, we allowed ourselves to fully enjoy, relax, receive, create, or to do whatever the hell comes to mind without permission, without public witnessing, without needing to immediately PRODUCE something and hand it back? 

What if we just held onto an experience and allowed it to integrate?

What if we allowed ourselves to accept the gifts that life is giving us? 

I say let’s try this experiment, to whomever is with me and relates. 

Let’s do it until the first eclipse of this month passes, so we do it all the way through Saturday 10/14 and we do it again Sunday 10/15. Sunday night we reflect. 

We can then decide and examine how this may have changed our lives. 

Especially during an eclipse portal.

Just a thought. 

I’ll do it, and I’ll write about it the week after our first eclipse in October. Talk to you about this topic again then. 

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-Tess 

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